24 forever
Or so I thought…
When I was 24 years, I had so many dreams but no concrete plans. I had so many things I wanted to do. But I was afraid to start anything because I thought, what if I lost an opportunity to do something else while I had committed to doing the other thing. What if a took a loan to buy a plot but while having done that a scholarship opportunity came up- and in Botswana, loans on average take 5 years to pay. And what if I took a mortgage to buy a house but then a brother came up and said wanted to marry me, surely I would want to pitch in financial contribution towards the wedding, but could I do that well with a mortgage? What if I decided to go to school but a great job opportunity came up?
When I was 24 years, I had so many dreams but no concrete plans. I had so many things I wanted to do. But I was afraid to start anything because I thought, what if I lost an opportunity to do something else while I had committed to doing the other thing. What if a took a loan to buy a plot but while having done that a scholarship opportunity came up- and in Botswana, loans on average take 5 years to pay. And what if I took a mortgage to buy a house but then a brother came up and said wanted to marry me, surely I would want to pitch in financial contribution towards the wedding, but could I do that well with a mortgage? What if I decided to go to school but a great job opportunity came up?
Before I knew it I was a prisoner of my own fears. And guess what,
time was not waiting for me. I could not be 24 forever. Two years later, I
still had done nothing, well at least nothing that I had dreamed to do.
Some time back I had a very small but important lesson during
volleyball rehearsal. I had arrived early that day and went to fetch two
volleyballs. One other person was there so we started to volley balls at each
other. Before starting that exercise, it so happened that she threw one ball
immediately after the other to me so that they arrived at my side of the net a
split second apart. So I tried to catch both. Interestingly, I was not able to
catch either of the balls! Both balls rolled away and I had to run after each
one to prevent it from rolling farther away.
I thought to myself, if I had focused on one ball, I would have
caught at least one ball. But because I was trying to multitask, I ended up not
having caught anything at all. “It is better to focus on one thing, finish it
then go on to the next thing”, so my friends have told me.
In my heart, I knew they were right. And they seemed to be
progressing so well themselves. That was evidence enough that their advice
really worked. My other problem was I had not figured out what my purpose is. I
felt that meant I could possibly get on course and do something which totally was
not what God meant for me to do. At this point I realized I had three problems.
Time was moving, I did not know which dream to focus on, and I did not know
fully what my purpose was. So I decided to start on something. I was desperate
to start something, anything. However, soon after starting, one family member of
mine suggested I try something else because this particular venture needed a
lot of capital which I was not ready to avail. I could have acquired the
capital through a loan, but remember my problem with taking a loan? So I gave
that up and decided I will take up the venture later when I have lots of money
for capital.
The problem with not knowing your purpose is that-
1. You easily give up- you can’t fight for your dream;
2. You can get persuaded to do something else if what you are pursuing at the time seems to be failing and;
3. You find it very hard to commit your money and even time to what you may be pursuing because you are double minded- you are not sure if you should even be spending your energy on it in the first place.
At the end of the day, I could not follow my friends’ advice to
focus on one thing because I did not know what to focus on. What now? I had
prayed about purpose since my varsity years and had been waiting on God for an
answer (an audible voice is what I was really looking for, lol, I didn’t want
to have it any other way). But even after starting formal employment, I had
still not heard that voice. But I kept praying. I would even fast about it. I
did not give up.
Pray while you
act
One day, alas! God partly
answered. I came across a book by Myles Munroe’s devotional which has a daily message
on purpose. What an asset that book is! So he actually addressed my exact
problem and said you should act while praying. Sure, you pray
and seek God first before you make any decision; however, after you have prayed
and you have peace about the course of action you want to take, you should go
ahead and act while you pray for God’s continual direction. Otherwise you will
never get anything done in the name of praying about it first!
Blogging-my
breakthrough
So this is me now, blogging, while praying and having prayed first
before starting anything. Indeed, this is a breakthrough because I have started
acting. I can say with certainty that this blog is in line with my purpose.
Moreover, it makes me so happy to share my thoughts with the world,
to share my experiences with the hope that someone out there will relate and be
helped from my mistakes and to share God, the living God who saves, delivers,
directs, blesses, alleviates stress, eliminates depression and so many other
things I know will come up in my next blog posts.
Enjoy God, enjoy life…
Yours in Christ,
Wame Sedijame Mmolawa
